Christians say that God gives us hardships, pain, and sufferings to be "testings of our faith in Him." Also, they claim that God loves everyone so much that he sent His son to die for our sins and then be resurrected into heaven three days later.
We all know that story.
Yet, I look at this world, where suffering is inescapeable and pain is reoccurring, and thoughts deep inside me begin to wonder if a loving God, or even a God at all, does in fact exist.
When you think about it, and I mean really think about it, the idea that a loving God exists becomes harder and harder to believe. Once you realize that every day children are starving to death, people are losing their jobs, innocent people are being kidnapped, raped, or murdered, and that natural disasters are robbing people of their loved ones or even their own lives, the statement that God is a loving and just God seems pretty fallable.
If a God does in fact exist, then he isn't a very nice one.
Try and convince me otherwise.
[As I told you in a previous post, I consider myself to be a non-religious person with some dabbling interests in Neo-Paganism and Wiccan]
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Work, work, and a little more work...followed by a not-so-healthy side of bitterness.
Yesterday I worked for around 10 hours.
Today I worked around twelve.
o.0
As you can imagine, I am fairly exhausted from being on my feet all day long.
Back to what I was planning on saying..even though I ended up working longer then expected, I learned how to drive a 4 wheeler and even took it out for a few speedy spins. I even got to wear one of those sexy biker helmets and sunglasses!
On the bad side, for no apparent reason Alex's friend Dede does not like me. She has been telling Alex all of these lies and stories about me and creating dissention...but I've done some thinking, and have been paying attention to how Dede acts around me, and she doesn't really seem to be the kind of person to do such a thing.
Then again, maybe she simply does have something against me. Although I cannot think of a single thing that I did wrong to her.
The other option is that Dede isn't saying anything negative or false about me and that Alex (yes..her..) is creating these stories up so that I won't hang around Dede at all. Not that I ever do now, though. I can't think of any reason or point to making up those stories and falsehoods, so I'm going to still trust that Dede is in fact creating these fables about me.
On top of this, my feelings of no longer being good friends or perhaps even friends with Alex are getting stronger day by day. I no longer want to spend time with her or even call her. Besides, she never tries to call me anyways. Occasionally she'll text me, but that is nowhere near the same as talking to me over the phone or hanging out with me in person.
Still, I wonder, is our friendship meant to last? I'm beginning to highly doubt that.
At least I can use my job as an excuse to not be able to hang out with her.
I bet that I'm just going to have to suck up to the fact that she and I have both changed dramatically in the past six months and that our old stance of "best friends for life" and our sister-like closeness has been dissolving within these past few weeks.
Whatever the final outcome is, I hope that I will never forget the good times that we had together and the little games that we invented over the years.
[As a side note, I'm turning 17 this year and have known Alex since I was 11.]
Today I worked around twelve.
o.0
As you can imagine, I am fairly exhausted from being on my feet all day long.
Back to what I was planning on saying..even though I ended up working longer then expected, I learned how to drive a 4 wheeler and even took it out for a few speedy spins. I even got to wear one of those sexy biker helmets and sunglasses!
On the bad side, for no apparent reason Alex's friend Dede does not like me. She has been telling Alex all of these lies and stories about me and creating dissention...but I've done some thinking, and have been paying attention to how Dede acts around me, and she doesn't really seem to be the kind of person to do such a thing.
Then again, maybe she simply does have something against me. Although I cannot think of a single thing that I did wrong to her.
The other option is that Dede isn't saying anything negative or false about me and that Alex (yes..her..) is creating these stories up so that I won't hang around Dede at all. Not that I ever do now, though. I can't think of any reason or point to making up those stories and falsehoods, so I'm going to still trust that Dede is in fact creating these fables about me.
On top of this, my feelings of no longer being good friends or perhaps even friends with Alex are getting stronger day by day. I no longer want to spend time with her or even call her. Besides, she never tries to call me anyways. Occasionally she'll text me, but that is nowhere near the same as talking to me over the phone or hanging out with me in person.
Still, I wonder, is our friendship meant to last? I'm beginning to highly doubt that.
At least I can use my job as an excuse to not be able to hang out with her.
I bet that I'm just going to have to suck up to the fact that she and I have both changed dramatically in the past six months and that our old stance of "best friends for life" and our sister-like closeness has been dissolving within these past few weeks.
Whatever the final outcome is, I hope that I will never forget the good times that we had together and the little games that we invented over the years.
[As a side note, I'm turning 17 this year and have known Alex since I was 11.]
Monday, June 2, 2008
Summer has begun, and I have a job!
Well, even though school has already ended for me (May 29th), I have not gotten around to writing about anything new on here since April.
That would be because....I have my first job!
I am going to be a summer babysitter/maid/cook for a family just a few miles away from my house. They really liked me, so I got the job right away.
The pay is really nice, and so are the working conditions.
The little girl Christina is a ball of fun. She reminds me a lot of myself, actually. Her interests are very similar to mine when I was her age, and even some things that I like now she can relate to. I enjoy her energy and her spunky friends too.
Never a dull moment at their house.
Anyway, as you already have figured out I am only going to be able to call myself 'Silent Sophomore' until September 2nd.
Then I will be...either 'Jaded Junior' or 'Jaunty Junior', depending on how the rest of my summer goes.
Have I told you about my school plans for next year? Well, I left my private Christian school (I couldn't run out those doors fast enough) and am going to be homeschooled next year with my friend Alex.
Normally I'd call her my best friend, but I'm not so sure about that anymore.
I just get this negative aura or feeling when I'm around her.
Like she's pushing me away or something.
I don't really like that. So I'll only refer to her as my friend.
Plus, she almost ignores me completely when she and I are around at least one other person, regardless of who they are. Yet, right now, the most she gets to see me is once a week for two or three hours. I don't understand that.
On occasion she'll talk to me, but that's typically just to ask me a question so she can help/talk more with the other person.
Honestly, Alex is starting to piss me off.
I dont' blame her mom at all for being angry with her, either.
Alex is one of the most, if not the most, irresponsible people that I have ever met. Her room is a complete pigsty, she does her laundry only once all her other clothes are stained, and complains that she can't find her other shoe when she clearly didn't care enough about them to put them in a safe spot in the first place.
Then she complains to me about not being able to wear or find her shoes, and nags about how she needs MORE clothes because the ones she currently has aren't "cute" enough.
Um, Alex, your clothes are fine.
If you could find them and wash them before they begin to mold, that is.
Basically, I'm at a loss for words at how I think my relationship with her is going.
The only word that comes to my mind is downhill.
Rapidly.
That would be because....I have my first job!
I am going to be a summer babysitter/maid/cook for a family just a few miles away from my house. They really liked me, so I got the job right away.
The pay is really nice, and so are the working conditions.
The little girl Christina is a ball of fun. She reminds me a lot of myself, actually. Her interests are very similar to mine when I was her age, and even some things that I like now she can relate to. I enjoy her energy and her spunky friends too.
Never a dull moment at their house.
Anyway, as you already have figured out I am only going to be able to call myself 'Silent Sophomore' until September 2nd.
Then I will be...either 'Jaded Junior' or 'Jaunty Junior', depending on how the rest of my summer goes.
Have I told you about my school plans for next year? Well, I left my private Christian school (I couldn't run out those doors fast enough) and am going to be homeschooled next year with my friend Alex.
Normally I'd call her my best friend, but I'm not so sure about that anymore.
I just get this negative aura or feeling when I'm around her.
Like she's pushing me away or something.
I don't really like that. So I'll only refer to her as my friend.
Plus, she almost ignores me completely when she and I are around at least one other person, regardless of who they are. Yet, right now, the most she gets to see me is once a week for two or three hours. I don't understand that.
On occasion she'll talk to me, but that's typically just to ask me a question so she can help/talk more with the other person.
Honestly, Alex is starting to piss me off.
I dont' blame her mom at all for being angry with her, either.
Alex is one of the most, if not the most, irresponsible people that I have ever met. Her room is a complete pigsty, she does her laundry only once all her other clothes are stained, and complains that she can't find her other shoe when she clearly didn't care enough about them to put them in a safe spot in the first place.
Then she complains to me about not being able to wear or find her shoes, and nags about how she needs MORE clothes because the ones she currently has aren't "cute" enough.
Um, Alex, your clothes are fine.
If you could find them and wash them before they begin to mold, that is.
Basically, I'm at a loss for words at how I think my relationship with her is going.
The only word that comes to my mind is downhill.
Rapidly.
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